Ocean Of Tears Revised and Expanded
by Sorix
Summary: Beautiful, but dark tale of Shinji's undying love for Rei, even in her death. Story of expressive love and grave revenge. Violence, sexual content, partial nudity, language, gore. OOC. Next chapter now in the making by myself and another version by a r


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***Disclaimer***  
Okay. I have finally finished that horrible scene! I am so glad that I finally   
worked up the nerve to actually sit down and put my thoughts to paper-- er… ah… I mean keyboard. I am excited that after four or five months, I am so close to completion.  
  
Oops! I almost forgot. For anyone who is reading this for the first time (most likely all of you), this is a dark, dark fic. It is about a very depressed Shinji (though it may not seem like it for a while). I'm going to let you just read the story and figure it out for yourselves.   
  
If you think you have read this story before just because you read one with the same title and plot, you are sadly mistaken. I wrote this same story about a year and a half ago and copied it over to revise and edit. Instead I ended up adding more than editing when I realized the lack of detail. This version is a clean-up and expansion of the first. It is nearly five times longer and is so different in so many ways that it'll make your head spin.  
  
Evangelion does not belong to me (I wish), so please do not sue me. I have little money. The characters in the fic are definitely OOC, so expect it. I wasn't trying to make them in character, in fact, I was pushing for the opposite. I didn't write this story to make a new episode for the series, so they didn't need to be just like the real thing.  
  
The characters in the story aren't mine, but the idea and plot are my possessions. Do not take them, please, without giving me some credit. Thank you.  
  
Moving on to main differences, this story is much better as far as grammar, content, and storyline detail than the first. That doesn't mean there won't be errors, though. The first was nothing but a collection of thoughts. This draft is far more detailed and actually contains substantial dialog. The conclusion and final notes should be coming around soon. Thank you for your patience.  
  
This fic is rated NC-17, so please be prepared. There is violence, sex, language, and mature situations. After I finish, there will be some gore as well. Please also keep in mind that this fic is still in the making.  
  
Please give me some feedback. Without your opinions, I am not able to correct or learn form my mistakes. If you want to mail me, my e-mail address is sorix00@yahoo.com. My website is  
  
  
  
and you must type it exactly as you see it. If you have anything to say, please don't hold back. I like to receive criticism as much as the next writer. I also enjoy reading happy reviews, if that is valid. I would appreciate some advice, if you have any to offer.  
  
Thank you for your time, and enjoy the read.  
  
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---Preface---  
The setting is in Tokyo 3, 2016. All of the characters are a year older than in the series, and the war against the angels is over. NERV was reassigned by the United Nations to be an aftermath recovery organization, and the pilots, sans Asuka, lead happy, normal lives. They still work with NERV, only not fighting. Instead of piloting, the pilots were given various jobs to help in the recovery process working in Tokyo 3, and went to school normally.  
  
Asuka was killed in action in the battle against the 18th angel. It turns out that the 17th angel was not the last, and the third impact was prevented. The last angel killed Asuka, and every member of the NERV organization was devastated by her loss. Her presence was missed for several months. (I am obviously not an Asuka fan...)  
  
Touji's aunt was killed in the destruction of the final angel as well. When the angel blew up, one of his mother's sisters was living in an apartment complex that was leveled when it exploded. Touji entered a state of total depression in the loss of both Asuka and his closest relative. He cut off all social connections and has shut himself away from the rest of the world.  
  
Shinji and Rei are deeply in love with each other. Shinji is also Touji's best friend. The end of the battles led to a period of economical collapse, and the United Nations is committed to help Japan through the time since they suffered the most in the destruction of the threat. The streets are littered with crooks and drunks. In order to survive, some of the juveniles who lost parents in the final battles banned together in gangs. The rivalries between the gangs are harsh, and many gang wars break out each week, killing many who participate. The youth commit themselves to the gang they join and would give their lives for their co-members.  
  
In his depression, Touji joined a gang   
  
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An Ocean of Tears  
By: Sorix  
The only thing occupying my thought during the past three weeks has been Rei and her beauty and perfection. A perfection that was shattered by my stupid mistakes and others' hateful actions. I haven't been able to dwell on anything except her beautiful features and characteristics. Her pale, smooth skin, and how good her skin felt to me. Her glimmering ruby eyes, the eyes that could always read my feelings. Her long, seductive legs. Her perfectly thin waist; not too small, not too large. The amazing blue hair; her hair always smelled like her blueberry shampoo. Her attractive, round breasts that were just the right size. The way her lips felt against mine as she kissed me, expressing her deep love for me.  
  
There was no one feature that was better than the next, but instead all of her features combined to create a perfect and beautiful image. An image that couldn't help but to stand out in a crowd. Even though she was usually quiet and refined, any man who walked past her could not help but to give her a glance. A glance that usually turned into a stare. Not many women in the world can brag to have such an effect on men.  
  
No man in the entire world was as lucky as I to have such a phenomenal girl to keep him company. The agony I feel for loosing her is a giant hole in my soul, never to be filled again. I truly loved her, and I wish she was still here to be with me. I loved her for the way she was. Her looks got me interested, but her personality and composure kept me interested. I loved her because she was different from every other girl in the world. I loved her because she was quiet and refined, as opposed to outspoken and rude. But most of all, I loved her because she loved me with the same kind of love. A tear for every perfect characteristic Rei had: an ocean of tears.  
  
Just before I moved in with Rei, Misato told me that she had a bad feeling about us living together. I thought she meant about us having pre-marital sex, but I now know what she meant instead. Just as I was walking out the door, she stopped me.  
  
"Shinji, you really should listen to me. There is a big problem here, but I can't quite tell yet what it is. Please," Misato warned me for one last time.  
  
I tried to hide my annoyance for her bothering me about this matter again, "Misato, please. I have things under control. Don't worry."  
  
Misato grimaced. "Fine. All I ask, then, is that you wait until this gang problem is taken care of. I submitted the report to the office, and the threat will be taken care of in only a couple of days."  
  
I rolled my eyes and said, "Oh, please. When I told you about the threat, I also told you that Touji would never betray me like that. He would never tell them where Rei lives. I'll take care of her."  
  
Now it was Misato's turn to roll her eyes, "Oh, please," she said mockingly. "Big bad Shinji is going to protect his little princess from a gang of twenty experienced grown men by his little self." She snickered. "Get serious. That little pistol you bought the other day would only stop six of those guys. And only if you had good aim."  
  
I got serious. "If anyone tries to touch Rei, then I will personally kill them. Period."  
  
Misato looked exhausted. "Fine. Have it your way," she conceded.  
  
"Now that's better," I said as I carried my luggage out the door. "Bye, now!"  
  
"See-ya later Shinji!" she yelled. "I hope," she added under her breath.  
  
"I heard that!" I called down the hall.  
  
When I now think back on my words, "I have things under control," and "I'll take care of her," I wish I hadn't made those promises. I now realize that her life was in my hands, and her death was my responsibility. No matter how much I try, I cannot forgive myself for letting her die. Cannot forgive myself, or the ones who actually killed her directly. Every night I lie on the floor in the room where she died and I cry. I haven't slept well in weeks because I lie awake and review in my mind how much better my life would be now if only I had prevented her death. How much OUR lives would be now. A tear for each regret: an ocean of tears.  
  
While I was on my way to my new residence, a disturbing thought came to my mind. A couple of weeks before, I had an encounter with one of the local gangs. They called themselves the "Gouzen Shishi" or "Roaring Lion," or, "Shishi" for short. They were one of three major gang groups in the area where I live. They were known to be very ruthless and cold, accepting only super-loyal members and killing any member who put him/herself above the rest of the group.  
  
I had learned recently that Touji, my best friend since I had first met him, had joined the Shishi out of an act of depression and loss. He had been exposed to tremendous pressure and had just experienced the death of his closest aunt. I knew that our friendship had suffered as a result of his pain, and had planned to talk with him about it as soon as I was settled in with Rei.  
  
Before I could move in, however, I had my first encounter with the feared Shishi. It happened two days before I moved.  
  
I had just explained to Misato my desire to move in with Rei for the first time. She told Ritsuko and they met with me about the matter. Ritsuko and Misato were experienced adults, and the only mature influence on my life at the time. They thought that our plans were not a good idea.  
  
"The two of you are barely fifteen years old. You can't possibly know what true, unconditional love is at this young age," Ritsuko pleaded, eyes full of concern.  
  
"I agree," Misato added. "I have been with Kaji long enough to know love. Only just now did I know this feeling, and I'm ten years older than you!"  
  
Ritsuko decided to take a professional approach. "Being a doctor, I know that teenagers, like you two, have so many hormones racing through your mind that you can be very confused about such a life changing decision."  
  
I could only sit in the lounge with my head in my hand and sigh. I knew that my superiors meant well in their advice, because they cared for me like a son. But even so, they couldn't understand my feelings for Rei. I'd had crushes before, and the emotions I experienced for my love were infinitely more complex than a simple hormone rush. No, I knew this feeling. This feeling was the real thing.  
  
My head rose from my palm and an eyebrow twitched, slightly. "The two of you can't control our lives. If we choose to live together, you can't stop us," I shot at Misato.   
  
This got her attention.  
  
She rose from her seat a couple of feet away from mine. "Really? I do have the authority to have you removed from the entire complex, and send you on your way. This institution does not need you anymore.  
  
To this I could say nothing. There is no word or phrase I could say to express my feelings, so I just turned my back and walked out of the lounge, leaving Misato groaning behind. I didn't know where to go, but only knew that I needed to settle my mind. Somehow, I made my way to the park in the center of the city. The park was nothing more than some dead grass and a few tree stumps since the end of the war.  
  
Because I was not really watching where I was going, or for that matter, caring where I wound up, I accidentally tripped over a can and into a group of standing men. I thought nothing of it, apologized, and began to continue in my deep thought. It soon became clear to me that the men I ran into were not the "forgive and forget" kind of people.  
  
"Hey, buddy! Watch where I'm standing," one of them yelled at me.  
  
Another one shot, "Yeah, bitch! Learn to respect the Lion's property!"  
  
Trying to avoid a conflict, I simply muttered, "Yeah, whatever." I got up and brushed myself off, not expecting the fist that swung at my face. I flinched, avoiding a direct hit, and muttered under my breath, "Asshole."  
  
That was the worst mistake of my life. That one word decided my lover's fate as well as my own, ultimately. As soon as the word left my lips, the gang began to move to surround me.  
  
"Look sonny," the oldest, being about thirty said, "Nobody insults the Lions and lives to tell about it. But you are different. I have word from the boss himself that you are to be dealt with differently since you're one of those pilot-kids. As soon as I find out how to pay you back, I will have your ass on a platter, scum."  
  
With that, the group left, not giving anymore hints at what exactly their words meant. But now was not the time to think about it. Shoving the memory aside, I continued down the hall towards my immediate goal and my present reality. I could not keep Rei waiting, for she was expecting me.  
  
As I walked from Misato's apartment to Rei's, I began to think for the first time about how it would be, to live with the woman I loved. I pictured a perfect setting: she and I going to our classes, coming home to eat together a meal that I prepare, relaxing together on the couch while she watched her favorite movies and I watched her, bathing together and enjoying each other's company, and finally falling asleep in one another's arms.  
  
I knocked on the door of my new dwelling place, and almost immediately she jumped out and hugged my neck, swinging her legs as I struggled to support myself, her, and my suitcases. She placed her feet on the floor, relieving me of my stress, and planted a deep, passionate kiss on my lips, and I returned her invitation gratefully. (Deep love does have that effect on people... yes, even Rei...)  
  
She reached up and pulled my ear to her mouth, "I love you." Rei had the dreamiest look of bliss on her face. Finally her lover had come to live with her.  
  
I heard her words and knew that she meant them with all her heart and soul. I knew this because I felt the same way about her. There was a mutual intimacy that we shared for one another, and I realized that she understood it. A tear for every kiss unkissed: an ocean of tears.  
  
I struggled to make my way in, which was quite a feat with Rei still wrapped around me like a python. I went to the bedroom to unpack. Rei, however, interrupted. She loosened her grip on me an d went over to the bed.  
  
I had noticed that the apartment, I noticed, was very clean and kept up; the few items she owned were put away, she had dusted, vacuumed, mopped, and done a very good job of making the place look nice for me.  
  
Rei herself was obviously scrubbed up well. Her hair was still slightly wet and the scent of her shampoo wafted all around the room. She was staring at me from the bed as I placed my things on the floor next to the closet.  
  
"Why don't you come over to me instead of unpacking. We can unpack and get you settled in tomorrow," she suggested as she moved closer to me.  
  
I considered. I had a lot of work to do in order to unpack and get settled. I looked at my two suitcases and book bag. Each suitcase had been packed to the maximum, and my book bag was almost unzipped from the amount of things in it. Besides that, we would need to buy a new chest of drawers and various other things in order to accommodate the things I brought. Much work was needed to be done.  
  
"I will do whatever you want me to do. My life and commitment are yours for the taking." As much as I needed to work on moving in, Rei mattered more to me than that. She mattered more than anything else.  
  
"Well, in that case," she said slyly as she began to move her arms around my back, "I want you to wait." Her arms pulled me closer to her as we embraced again. Her lips warmed mine once more, and she used her tongue a lot more than usual. Her hands slid up and down my back as she got more enthusiastic, and eventually found my rear. She took a firm hold which startled me because she usually didn't show her affection this way.  
  
I was caught off guard by her actions, and a half yelp, half moan escaped through my lips. Eventually, I collected my self and became more aggressive myself. My own hands slid around her back and soon rested on her firm posterior. She moaned back at me and broke the kiss.  
  
Almost afraid I had done something too fast as she broke the embrace and moved across the bed to the other side, I quickly realized for the first time what her implications meant. Suddenly, I wasn't as enthusiastic. I began to think about whether or not sex was the right thing for now or not.  
  
Reading my thoughts, Rei looked across the bed at me assumingly and said, "Don't worry. We don't have to if you don't want to do it yet." There was obvious disappointment in her eyes that she didn't want me to notice, but I did, anyway. That is the way it is when you love someone as much as I did her.  
  
Although we weren't married, I knew that we would be soon. I thought about how much Rei must of wanted me to go through these actions. The actions were very uncharacteristic of her for she was usually more controlled. Though I had fears of giving a good performance, they were out-weighed by my undying love for Rei. I settled on my decision. I would not be discouraged by childish fears. She loved me too much to care about my performance.  
  
I moved closer to the bed and gave Rei an assuring smile. "I will do whatever you want me to do. My live and commitment are yours for the taking."  
  
Rei smiled back at me. This smile was different from any smile she had ever shown me. This smile was mysterious and sexy, and it gave me undefined confidence.  
  
***Note:  
--The scene to follow is not what it first appears to be. The scenario will be explained as you read the story. Though it does not get too detailed, the next few paragraphs were not intended to be read by immature audiences.  
***Continue...  
  
The smile never faded as she slowly lifted her shirt above her head, slightly messing up her damp hair. She watched my facial expression as she reached behind her back to unstrap her bra.  
  
Before she removed her bra, I lingered on the suspense she was providing. After two years of a relationship with Rei, I was finally about to go farther. We were about to let loose the only thing reserved from on another. I couldn't help but stare at her as she was struggling with her hook. Her beautiful waist and torso were more than I had expected. I had seen her stomach and waist only once before, at a pool party, but I had not dwelt on her as much then. Our loved and interest had deepened more than I knew, and I loved seeing her exposed flesh.  
  
The bra hook finally came loose and she took it off, giving me a magnificent view. Rei was more beautiful than I had ever imagined. There are no words to describe how I felt, finally seeing the one I loved share herself with me. It was excellent.  
  
She removed the rest of her clothes without blushing. It startled me at first, but I remembered that she did not mind sharing this with me. To her, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. I was amazed that she would think so highly of me as to not even let her blood rush. Then I realized that I hadn't blushed, either. I subconsciously realized the same thing she had, and not a single drop of blood trickled down my nostril.  
  
When I finally realized that I was fully clothed, I began to strip as well. By the time I finished, Rei was already on the bed awaiting my presence to comfort and pleasure her. I took a final look at her, savoring my and her virginity before joining her.  
  
The love we made that night was like no other love anyone ever made. We did not do it for fun, or lust, or to prove anything to ourselves or each other. The love we made was out of just that--love. The only reason we would ever had sex was to show pure and intimate love for one another. But I am not going to elaborate any further on our sex lives. That aspect of our relationship was reserved for only the two of us. It should matter to us only, so It will not be expressed to anyone else. A tear for every night to spend alone: an ocean of tears.  
  
***Note:  
--Sex scene over... for now...  
***Continue...  
  
I started sleeping well that night, dreaming about my future with Rei. The dream took place around ten years after that night, and we were no longer in Rei's apartment. We had been married, and had three children. She gave birth to twin girls first, and they were nine years old. Our son was five years old, and just beginning school. The dream was very vague as far as where we lived exactly, our occupations, and various other important details of our lives, but the only thing that was vivid was how happy and blessed we seemed. The love my spouse and I had for each other was the thing that stuck out in my mind most. It had not lessened at all, but instead deepened with the experience of having and caring for children.  
  
The kids pulled Rei and I closer together than I would have ever imagined. We had to be close in order to survive the life we created. Aside from the outstanding companionship between my wife and myself, one other part of the dream stuck with me when I awoke. At the very end of my dream, I saw myself suddenly being overrun by police. The police surrounded me, beat me, then dragged me away to the local court. The court room was very large and dark, and the judge was the only other person in the room. He had flaming hair and ice cycles in his eyes. The scariest part about him was that his facial features resembled mine. It was like my face, only more stressed and burdened. Before I could defend myself, for whatever crime I had committed, he gave me a ruling and sentence. The sentence was death--for first- degree murder.  
  
The heavily-armed and intimidating police officers suddenly reappeared behind me and lifted me by the under arms and carried me to the electric chair. The chair happened to be conveniently located just to the right of the judge's bench. I was so confused that I didn't even think to struggle for my life. One moment I was the happiest husband and father in the world, and the next, I die. The cops strapped me in, began to laugh, and started for the switch to fry me.  
  
That is when I recognized one of the laughs. I looked around, searching for the familiar sound, and found that Touji, my best friend was there with his gun pointed at my face. The gun was a very powerful-looking shotgun that could have sent my head flying through the back of the chair--in pieces.  
  
I awoke with a start, and a sudden chill ran up my spine. What had the dream meant? At the time I was prepared to just shake it off and get on with the rest of my morning, but there was still a cold sweat drenching my back and forehead. Rei was still asleep, and I did not want to disturb her for something so trivial, so I decided to get up and fix breakfast. The activity would help me shake off the weird tingling left over from the nightmare.  
  
I shoved the sheet and quilt off of me onto Rei, for she was cold-natured, and walked to the bathroom to begin to collect myself. I sleepily combed my hair and brushed my teeth, planning to take a shower after breakfast.  
  
I made my way to the kitchen to find that Rei had gotten up and in the kitchen silently before I could realize she was there. She looked up at me from the pancake mix she was stirring and smiled lovingly.  
  
"Well, good morning Mister Shinji," she happily said through her grin. "I hope pancakes are satisfactory for breakfast, sir." I noticed a hint of playful sarcasm in her voice, and decided to play along.  
  
"Hmmm. I usually have waffles on Saturday mornings, but this will have to do today," I murmured with an obviously fake stern look on my face.  
  
Rei left the food on the counter and rushed around the table to greet me with a tight squeeze.  
  
I hugged her back, letting my fingers run through her hair, and inquired, "How in the heavens did you get out of bed and to the kitchen before I even knew you were awake?"  
  
"Very simply, my dear Watson," she joked, "I was awake ever since six o'clock a.m. The sleeping beauty you observed was a mere act." Her voice returned from her surprisingly good British accent, "I always wake up at six, no matter how late I was up. It is automatic. I pretended to sleep so as not to disturb your rest." She returned to her impression again with an intelligent smile, "Elementary, really."  
  
"You faked well," I said bewildered, "Even the drool looked real." I chuckled.  
  
"So I'm thorough. Better than to distract you."  
  
"Whatever you like," I said, slightly confused as to why she would be so kind and go through that trouble just for my rest.  
  
"If you really want to help me, though, you can finish the rest of this. I need to shower before I do anything else." She was full of smiles this morning indeed.  
  
"Okay, but if you aren't out in about fifteen or twenty minutes, then I may have to drag you out myself. I don't want to eat alone on my first morning here." If there was something Rei needed, it was a shower first thing in the morning. She, for some odd reason, could not do anything before she took her shower. I was surprised she even started breakfast.  
  
Rei smiled and ran off to the bathroom in her sky-blue robe. I watched her close the door, then began to finish the task at hand. The waffles were simple; all I needed to do was cook them. The eggs and bacon were a bit more time consuming only because I needed to give them my full attention.  
  
As soon as I finished cooking the breakfast, I set the table, poured orange juice; orange juice that I squeezed myself. Rei wanted no pulp in her beverage while I loved orange pulp, so by the time I completed my job, Rei was out of the bathroom, still in her robe, but smelling wonderful as well as looking it. Her damp hair reminded me of the night before and I loved that memory.  
  
Rei must have noticed the vacant look in my eyes because she waved slightly to catch my attention. "You there?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Of course," came my reply, "I couldn't help but think of last night when I saw and smelled you."  
  
She grinned, "Flattering, but I'm starved."  
  
If there was one thing Rei knew how to do, it was eat. Even though she was small as anyone could imagine, but her extremely high metabolism and her love for food were a deadly combination. Part of the reason she never gained weight, also, was the fact that she never ate meat. She could enjoy eggs and milk, but anything else that was made from animals, she never touched. I could never figure out why she chose abstain from meat, though. She wasn't an animal's rights fanatic, she didn't have an interest in loosing any additional weight, and she didn't ever mention disliking the taste of such foods. It was something I would have to ask her some time, but not now.  
  
"I hope you've finished everything by now. I took a slower shower thinking I could eat as soon as I was done with it." She glanced suspiciously at the food on the table, then added, "Oh. There it is." She looked back at me, "Bacon?"  
  
I winced, "Oh, that was for me." I turned around and traded one of my fried eggs for her bacon. "Sorry. I'm used to preparing breakfast for Misato."  
  
"Don't worry." She stepped over to the opposite side of the small table and sat down gracefully, barely making a noise. "I don't mind your imperfection." A slight smirk slipped through her lips.  
  
I couldn't help but smile back, "Hey, I am very, very close to perfect." My grin turned alluring, "I am perfect for you."  
  
She tossed a lopsided look, "Oh, I know you're perfect for me. I also know you are nowhere near as, well," she considered, "as conscious as you should be when your mind is in a different place."  
  
"Hey! Stop teasing me," I pouted as I pretended to be hurt by her tease.  
  
Rei chuckled and shoved my chair out from under the table with her feet, inviting me to sit. I complied with the frown still on my face. Rei began to eat, and I followed suit only after my lady noticed my pitiful look.  
  
We ate, silently staring into each other's eyes for a few bites, and I struggled over whether to share my dream with my beloved. I decided to tell her, but now wasn't the time. I settled on detailing her about the experience during lunch after I had time to think about it. That would give me time to go to the grocery store.  
  
Between a couple of bites of eggs, I inquired, "Did you enjoy your shower?"  
  
"Mmmm...," she mumbled while chewing, obviously content about the subject. "Immensely. The hot water felt *so* good on my back."  
  
"What happened to your back?"  
  
"Nothing," she replied, "I just said that it felt good, didn't I?"  
  
I rolled my eyes at her childish humor. She was very kiddish this morning. I felt okay, not much different for so early in the day, but something went off in the back of my head like an alarm. An alarm that warned me of something I was oblivious to at the time. "Maybe, then, I can make it feel even better with a massage later on. Like when I get out of the shower?"  
  
The look on her face brightened with hope and she said with a luxurious grin, "I would *love* a good back rub. If you give me one, I will love you forever."  
  
"As if you haven't already made that commitment." I tossed her a lopsided look of disbelief.  
  
She snickered as she finished her breakfast. I scraped another bite into my face and guzzled the last of my orange juice to catch up. I didn't want to loose a single minute with her, this second day of my new life. I wanted to be by her side as much as possible. But now I had to take a shower. I considered to offer a Rei a spot next to me in the tub, but concluded that if she wanted to, she should offer. I didn't want to be too bold.  
  
"Ummm, I hope there is enough hot water left for you," she said sheepishly with an index finger stuck in the corner of her mouth.  
  
"Did you have *any* cold water running?" I asked astonished.  
  
"Of course I did!" she said with surprise. Then she added humbly, "I think...."  
  
I through my hands in the air, exaggerating, "Oh, well, a twenty minute shower with the hot water all the way on will certainly ensure a cold welcome to the next customer!" Then I smiled to reassure her.  
  
"Well!" she said, "Maybe you deserve a good cold shower! After all, you do live with the sexiest woman in the world! There's no telling what's going on downstairs!"  
  
"Well!" I exclaimed back, smiling, "Who cares if you *are* right about that! But that is beside the point!"  
  
Rei couldn't help but break the stupid contest with a giggle. I rose from my seat and made my way to the bedroom to collect my hygienic items. I got my towel and began to undress once inside the bathroom, with the door closed. I smiled to myself thinking of the temptation I must be placing on Rei. After all, she did the same to me, and I even had to make breakfast!.  
  
I stepped into the tub and closed the curtain. I turned the knob to full-hot and expected a drizzle of lukewarm water to greet my face. Surprisingly, steaming water splashed out of the shower head and I let out a yelp in dismay. I hurriedly adjusted the water temperature and was glad when the sting on my face left with the scalding water.  
  
I never would have guessed that that would be my last shower in a peaceful life. That my world would take a drastic dive for the worst in a period of hours. I never knew that instead of thinking of the time we could spend together later on, I should have cherished every second with her even more. I thought that we would live to grow old together and enjoy every experience. I was wrong. Dead wrong. A tear for every false assumption: an ocean of tears.  
  
I took the blue soap from the dish and began to lather up a cloth. The soap was Rei's and so it smelled girlish. But it smelled like Rei, so it was good. Perfect, even. Any man would consider himself lucky to smell like her. He would if he had any sense, at least.  
  
I took my own shampoo and began to apply it to my oily hair. Even though her soap was nice, the blueberry shampoo was a little too much. The soapy bubbles began to scrub my hair and scalp clean, and only then did I realize how much I must have sweated the night before. My head had that nasty feeling of slept-on perspiration. It felt good to be rid of it.  
  
As I was busily rubbing and scrubbing away the germs on my body, I somehow missed Rei as she quietly opened the door and entered, shutting it behind her. She stripped off her robe and let a anticipating snicker escape her. I heard this and knew what to expect next. My lover decided to take a second shower, at the expense of much room in the tub. And at the expense of complete privacy.  
  
***Note:  
--Here's another scene that's a little... well... "warmer" than others. Not very detailed at all, but "warm" still.  
***Continue...  
  
She slowly pulled the curtain and tilted her head to just peek in at me. I decided to pretend not to notice her attempts at seduction, and continued to wash my back, keeping my front to the walls on right and away from her sight. This would prove tempting and hide my expression from her.  
  
She opened the curtain a little more, offering a confused look, and once I was sure she was paying attention, I spun around and screamed, "Eeeeek! I'm *naked*!" I pulled my wash cloth in front of myself and offered a horrified look.  
  
Rei gave me an amused look and said, muffled by the water, "Oh, please!"  
  
I laughed and grabbed her arm to pull her in. She smiled and stepped up to me to offer a wet kiss, made even wetter by the water.  
  
"I thought that I could help heat up your shower," she said quietly into my ear. She then wrapped her arms around my neck and attempted to rise to my height on one leg and tip-toes. I helped her by lifting her hips, and she elevated so I had to look up to her as she stared deeply into my eyes. It was almost as if our souls touched. Looking at the one you love has that kind of affect on you. When you share so much with someone, you can pick out their thoughts.  
  
She dove at my lips with a fierce tongue attack. The soap didn't seem to bother her, and she almost appeared to enjoy it. It made things more smooth and almost liquid.  
  
I broke the kiss and said, "How do you expect me to get clean with a girl hanging on to my body. You'll get in the way!" Of course, I didn't want her to leave.  
  
"Well, how about I clean your body for you?" Rei's smile seemed to be devious as she continued to gaze into my eyes.  
  
***Note:  
--"Warm" scene over.  
***Continue...  
  
That's when the hot water ran out.  
  
A genuine screech escaped my mouth and I dropped Rei on the bathroom floor through the curtain. She began to giggle, unhurt, and I fell after her landing next to her on the rug. We both just lay there, letting the shower run as we laughing like naked maniacs until I got the notion to get a towel before we caught cold. I dried us both off and we headed out to the bedroom to dress.  
  
As soon as we were both comfortably dressed, I decided that it was a good time to go to the grocery store. That morning I had used up the last of the eggs and we also needed some more milk. Now that I had moved in, the food necessity doubled.  
  
Now would be a good time for a snap back to reality. Caught you off guard, didn't I? This story seems so nice and pleasant. Sometimes I find myself lost in that world, denying all reality and purpose. But no, I have a constant reminder of my world now. A constant reminder that all this glory and love would be mine now except for one simple drawback.  
  
Rei is gone. Dead. Nevermore.  
  
I would gladly trade spots with my lover. In an instant I would die in place of Rei, and have her live on. But then I think. Would she feel the same way I do? The obvious answer is yes, and the next question is also clear. Would I want to make her suffer like I am now. That one is a little more difficult to answer. I want her to live, but more so, I want her to be happy. If she would be more betrayed by living a life in despair over my death, I don't know what I would do. I either make her sad and let her live, or make her die and not be depressed.  
  
Not that it matters, anyway. I can not now change what happened. Even if I could go back, I am not sure whether I would be able to change fate this way or not. I guess you could say that I'm happy I am not given this opportunity. I'd love to say that I want to go back and change everything, but that could be a lie. Other than being with her, I can not think of any situation that I would rather have over this one. They are all equally despairing.  
  
And now you get to see what it is that makes my life hell. Now you find out exactly how my life became a nightmare all at once and snapped me from the love that I was accustomed to.  
  
***Note:  
--The scene to follow contains unusually graphic and violent material. If you wish, you can skip to the next note after the gory paragraphs. This is the reason many cry while reading the story. It explains in full detail how Rei was brought to her untimely death. You have been warned.  
***Continue, if you still wish to...  
  
As I walked to the coat rack by the door and grabbed my leather jacket, Rei spoke her final words to me. At the time, I didn't know that those words would be final, or else I would have treated them as such.  
  
"Be sure to get some bread," my lover said, "and be careful."  
  
Thinking this was only the beginning of our lives together, I responded, "Of course, hon."  
  
I reached for the door knob, and as I gripped the metal in my palm, the door suddenly slammed against my forehead, sending me reeling across the living room and knocking me to the floor. I sat up, trying to figure out what had happened with my blurred vision and muffled hearing. I took my hand away from my head and saw my blood-stained skin. Then I looked up and barely made out Touji and the shapes of four other shadowy figures.  
  
Three of them, including Touji, made their way across the room towards me, sending furniture crashing against the walls and floor. Disoriented, I tried my hardest to make out what had happened. I saw the other two men move toward the bedroom where Rei had just finished dressing. I heard her scream as my mind's eye pictured what could be happening, and I grimaced at the thoughts.  
  
My train of thought was interrupted by the forceful grasp of the unknown men on either side of me pulling me to my feet by the underarms. I looked forward, my blurred vision weakened even more by the blood trickling into my eyes from my forehead. I could, however make out Touji. That is all I needed to see.  
  
"Well, Shinji," the beast sneered, "we are reunited. A shame it had to be under such dreadful circumstances." He waved his hands around, turning to look at the room.  
  
"What... are you doing..." I managed, my speech slurred.  
  
"You don't remember?" The other glared at me as if I should have known something. "You insult the mighty Lions of Tokyo, and you forget the incident?"  
  
My mind raced. And then it hit me. I had not given it much thought since I moved in with Rei, but the incident to which he referred made its way across my memory. "You mean... the park...?"  
  
Touji did nothing but nod, grin faded from his face. The men on either side of me, still holding my arms, took some silent hint from him and each slugged me in the ribs.  
  
"You are going to pay for that insult, my friend. And the payment will be far beyond what you consider 'reasonable.'" My former friend then motioned behind him, and my impaired sight focused on the other two unknown men taking Rei from the bedroom, her face already swelling from forceful slaps.  
  
"You... you can do anything... you want to me..." I stammered, "But leave... Rei... alone..."  
  
"Oh, no, my friend. In order to get the full effect of our seriousness, I was instructed to do what you ask me not to do. You sealed her fate when you asked us to spare her." Once again the other grinned. At that moment, I did realize the seriousness of the situation. And through my labored breathing, I screamed for my lover's life.  
  
Which only made his victory all the more rewarding.  
  
I struggled with all my might, and as was expected, my efforts were met with a couple of punches to the sides. I slumped over, lifting my head just enough to see Rei. She was looking back at me, her teary eyes pleading for help as the men struck her to the floor, in my plain view.  
  
One of the men holding me moved behind me and held my arms in a full nelson. The other went to join his colleagues and Rei. Painfully, sobs began to rise from my lungs as they began to beat her. They kicked her, slugged her, and slapped her until she could barely breathe through her swollen face. Touji just stood aside and laughed. I begged for him to kill me so that I wouldn't have to live through my lover's death, but that made things worse. I realized that it was half of the plan to make me watch my most beloved thing in this world be stripped from me.  
  
One of the men went into the kitchen while the other two continued to slap her in the chest, thighs, face, and head. Rei could not even scream anymore because her voice had broken under strain. The man came back with ice and the ice pick. Bloody tears streamed down my face as I watched them stuff ice into her swollen mouth to muffle her sobs. They then stripped off her clothes and used a belt--my belt--to slap the hide off the woman that I loved. She was barely recognizable for all the blood and bruises spread across her bodice. That same beautiful, tone body that Rei had shared with me just the night before was now broken and swollen before my eyes.  
  
I tried to look away as they began to rape her, one by one, but my captor forced my eyes on her. She screamed with her eyes at me as she was cut open even further to meet the desires of one man and I screamed back at her in sympathy. Touji was the most disgusting as he took my mate by force. He seemed to never stop and kept looking at me as he raped my Rei, laughing the whole time. By now, though I desired more than anything to stop them, my strength and will had disappeared with my hope of saving Rei. They finished raping her and began to pull her hair out, handful by handful. I vividly remember seeing the same locks of blue that I had stroked lovingly the night before being ripped out and strewn across the carpet wildly. Rei's eyes had now swollen shut, but I could guess what they looked like. They were pleading for mercy as shearing pain tore through her scalp.  
  
And now they decided to finish the job. Now after nearly thirty minutes of beating, raping, and laughing at my significant other, they began to end her misery. But only by causing more misery first. They used the ice pick from the kitchen to pierce my beloved's skin starting with the feet and legs. They moved up her torso, being sure not to kill her yet, stabbing with precision an inch apart all across her body, excluding her neck and head, knowing she would die prematurely.  
  
They took her bra, and some others from her dresser, and made a makeshift noose to hang from the ceiling. They then wrapped the other end around her neck, and let her swing, choking and gasping all the way. It seemed like forever to me, watching my Rei die slowly. It seemed she would never leave her pain behind and join the angels in heaven, but instead would swing there for eternity, forcing me to watch her suffer.  
  
When she stopped struggling, the men began to laugh again. They walked over to me, and with a well-placed kick, I was introduced to blackness.  
  
***Note:  
--The gory scene is over, and if you decided to skip it, continue reading here. However, by skipping the previous few paragraphs, you missed a little bit of critical detail that arises in the story at different times. Because of this, you may be confused later on. If you decided to read it, please don't think of me as a freak, pervert, or psycho. I didn't write this for pleasure or happiness, but for a true purpose. All this will be explained later in the post notes.  
***Continue...  
  
My vision began to clear from the uniform darkness of my slumber, and I began to think wishfully that I had dreamt all that had happened. The searing pain in my forehead quickly reminded me how real my experience had been. I struggled to get to my feet, realizing that my ribs must have been cracked in a few places as soon as I moved. I screeched, not able to fully scream from the pain, for my vocal chords had been stressed more than I remembered. Despite my agony, I knew that I had to get up and face what awaited me in the room.  
  
As I stood there, staring at my lover's lifeless body hanging over a pool of blood, it occurred to me who the responsible party was. Of course it was the gang's handiwork, and they would certainly pay the ultimate price. But I realized that the man more guilty still stood there in the room. I walked over the mirror, splattered with blood, and saw myself.  
  
I saw the tears streaming from my eyes, the black rings around my eyelids, the gaping hole of my mouth, the stress lines in my bloody forehead, and all the other signs of shock and depression. But I also saw him: the most responsible man. I slapped him as hard as I could and landed myself on the floor. I laid there, contemplating my new understanding.  
  
I had devoted my life and love to Rei, and now that she is gone, I have no reason to breathe. Then I thought of one reason left. I had to take the life of every human accountable for my pain. Including the one I slapped to the ground. Including me.  
  
I rolled on my side, face shaped and stretched to resemble a man bawling for his life. I looked up at my lover as she hung from her noose, dried blood all along her skin. If I had not witnessed her death, I would not have recognized her maimed body as being my Rei. Her strands of hair lay in the dried pool of blood, and the water from the ice still dripped from her mouth. The monsters who strung her up didn't even have the decency to take the ice pick out of her back. How could all this terror happen to something so beautiful?  
  
The next three days are all one big kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts. Fear, pain, rage, and sorrow all mingled with each other, and there was no single individual thought to run through my head. During this three day period of shock, events occurred that I recalled later. The police came and took the body away. They searched the room for clues, and tried their best to question the only witness, even though he knew the entire time who killed her. I did not want the investigators to arrest the men. No, this would be my duty. This was the only reason I had left to live, and I was going to fulfill my requirement.  
  
Somewhere along the lines, I decided to "borrow" a pretty little toy from a local gun store. The first person on my new list was also my former best friend. The same person who I had shared secrets with and played with only a short time ago. I do realize that no amount of revenge I could ever take will replace or revive Rei. Even so, I must avenge her. This is the only thing keeping me ticking.  
  
I do not remember much detail after my lover's demise. Most of what I remember is nothing but emotion and thought. Nothing else was really important. Rei was my life, and what is detail without life? I do remember my revenge on Touji. I made my way through the halls of his old apartment complex, knowing he would still be living there by instinct alone. I wanted this to be as terrifying as possible, so I patiently waited outside his door for the majority of the night.  
  
At around four o' clock, my patience was rewarded by the sound of the door knob jiggling. I slid in front of the door and kicked it with all of my rage and loss. The door slammed free of its hinges and slammed straight into that bastard's face, the same as it had me earlier that week. I walked on top of the door, trapping Touji's legs under it, and stopped to smile at my center of hate. I was pleased to see realization and horror in his eyes, begging for the mercy he didn't give my Rei, and so would not in turn receive. I took my aim carefully, using a beautiful 9-guage sawed-off shotgun--that pretty toy I mentioned, and was rewarded with a shrill of pure despair from my target.  
  
"Oh, God! Please don't kill me!" The begging fool was screaming his head off trying to get me to spare his worthless life. And I had no intention of biding to his pleas. The bastard even tired to apologize. Huh! Imagine that! As if I would actually forgive him for stabbing me in the back and killing my only joy. Did he really think I would listen to his cry?  
  
My smile evaporated as I took my victory. Not a single smirk or sneer was given as I blasted that monster into the floor. After about seven or eight rounds, I decided that he was in fact dead. Politely, I bowed to his remains, turned on my heel, and silently exited the apartment complex into the shadows. 


End file.
